its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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