this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
