I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i drank out of a bidet.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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