You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
