her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
