It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Couch. On fire.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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