Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
