omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
