well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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