U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
