mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
