she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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