dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
