nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
