Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
