Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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