I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
