I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
