Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
