I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
