I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
