I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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