I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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