I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
