I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
