You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
