I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
