Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So squirting runs in the family.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
