giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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