We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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