I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
