You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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