Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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