Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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