I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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