I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
