Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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