I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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