I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
