Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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