Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
