dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Boobs speak an international language.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
