Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
