I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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