fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize