Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She has the best kind of daddy issues
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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