I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
