I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
