i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There r osticjed everywhere
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
