I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
