i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
