we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
