Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize