he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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