Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize