You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
