god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
