plz talk dirty to me
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
