on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
