dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
