i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
