i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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