I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
