My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
As shirtless as possible
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
