drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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