omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
