Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
