hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
