Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize