He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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