Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think my moral compass just broke
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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