Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Randomize
