We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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