shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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