Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
