my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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