I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
