What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
